Less Than 3 Weeks (but who's counting?!?)

It's been an eventful and super busy couple of weeks! Let me fill you in on all of the fun. The Saturday before Father's Day, Amanda invited us to a BBQ to celebrate her birthday and it was super fun! She invited my parents to come and they were so excited to meet her and they instantly fell in love with her too! She had a bunch of her family at the BBQ and it was awesome to meet them. We've had such an amazing experience getting to know her and are thrilled to have her in our lives!

(I totally had to crop myself out of the photo - one eye was closed and I kinda look like Quasimodo!! ha ha)

I've been busy cleaning and organizing the house and my project this past week was the baby's closet. We bought some fun storage cubes and I've had fun organizing them. I found these darling polka dot clothes organizers that I just had to have! We've been having a blast shopping for baby clothes - something that we've never dared to do in the past.

Last night Amanda and I had a Girls Night Out and got pedicures! It was so fun and I'm glad that we got some one-on-one girl time. The baby is going to be here before we know it and I'm grateful for every minute that we get to spend with Amanda! My mom gave me this darling picture frame and James and I thought this picture was perfect to fill it with:

Marriage & My Prince Charming

I've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky that I am to have such an amazing man as my husband. He is my best friend in the world and I love him more every day. He works so hard to provide for me and our future family and I want him to know how proud I am of him. He is a symbol of strength to so many and I adore his ability to brighten those around him. All of his friends know that he is a genuinely happy person and others can't help but be happy when they are around him. He is so sweet to me and I feel blessed to have him in my life. He is a great example of what a man should be and I know that our children will have a strong role model and a hero to look up to.

When it comes to marriage, I really believe that our relationship is unique. We honestly rarely argue and when we do, we talk it through immediately and we never bottle things up. We have mastered the art of communication and we believe it is the key to a successful marriage. We've been married for 6 1/2 years and we have enjoyed every moment of it. I think that one of the biggest demons that a marriage can have is personal insecurity. It is so easy when you are insecure with yourself, to attack others as a defense mechanism. I've witnessed other marriages where the husband and wife send little digs toward each other. These "digs" may be masked with an air of humor, but it would be impossible for them to not feel hurt deep down inside. This leads to another reason why I love my James so much. Those of you that know me, know that I am not what society would call beautiful... I'm a bit too "fluffy" for that title! I've been insecure my whole life - until I met James. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful person on the earth and because of this, I am learning to love who I am regardless of the way I look to others. I may still feel insecure when I'm in social settings and I am hyper-aware that the size of my jeans is twice the size as others, but as soon as I walk through the doors of our home, that insecurity melts away and I know that I am loved for who I am.

As most of you know, we have been facing a huge trial in our marriage. Infertility (or the iMonster as our adoption peeps have named it) is a terrifying and devastating thing for a couple to experience. We've heard stories about couples that have faced infertility and that it has destroyed their relationship. James and I are completely opposite from that. Through our tough times, we've relied so heavily on each other and together we have leaned on Heavenly Father to help us through our struggles. In the April issue of Ensign magazine, there is an article about Infertility that is incredible. Click HERE if you want to check it out. There was one passage in the article that was really inspiring so I want to share it. It said:

"When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren't healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting."

I know that our faith is being perfected through this process because instead of bitterness, anger, and resentment, we've grown more in love and understanding and we have built such a strong foundation. In last weekend's General Conference, Elder Richard G. Scott said:

"It is so rewarding to be married. Marriage is wonderful. In time you begin to think alike and have the same ideas and impressions. You have times when you are extremely happy, times of testing, and times of trial, but the Lord guides you through all of those growth experiences together."

I KNOW our marriage can withstand any trials thrown at us! I love you James and I can't wait to spend eternity with you!

Adoptive Couples Retreat

A few weeks ago we went to the 2nd Annual Adoptive Couples Retreat. It was a BLAST! We went with our cute friends Courtney & Jenn that we serve with on the FSA board. The event started out with a mingle to meet other adoptive couples and then we went and played games with Cort & Jenn in their hotel room until the wee hours of the morning. Pictured above is me and Jenn and the cute little tyke with James in the pic below is Cooper - Cort and Jenn will finalize their adoption of this adorable little guy in a few weeks and we're so excited for them!

The second day of the retreat was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!! Jessalyn (the beauty queen between Jenn and me in the picture below) is such an awesome girl. She is a birthmom who knows firsthand the incredible blessings of adoption. She organized the entire event and we feel super blessed to have her as our new friend. We can't wait for the retreat next year!

Pass Along Cards

We just got our new pass along cards in the mail and we are totally in love with them! Thanks to some amazing local businesses and our awesome friends, we've passed out over 2500 cards in only 6 months! Woot, woot! We enlisted the help of a super talented graphic designer (shout out to Charlotte!) to create a new look for our cards and they turned out fabulous!

(FRONT)

(BACK)

For those of our blog readers that aren't familiar with adoption pass along cards, we'll explain what they're all about. Networking during our adoption process is MAJOR! We've met several adorable couples that have been waiting to be chosen by a birthmother for several years. Our caseworker has encouraged us to spread the word (or send out a herald in our case) so that others may know of our desire to adopt.

The idea behind these cards is to get as many out there circulating as possible in hopes that they'll one day land in hands of someone, who knows someone, who knows someone (etc), who is thinking of placing their child for adoption. Because birthparents get to choose the adoptive couple, the waiting period can be really daunting. One of the first questions that we asked our caseworker was what the average waiting time was. She explained that there is not an accurate way of calculating that number for us. Every birthparent is different, just as every adoptive couple is different. What one birthparent may be looking for, another may want something completely opposite. Some couples are chosen within a few months, some after a few years. Some have waited over 5 years and others are not ever chosen. As an adoptive couple, the idea of waiting another 6 months is kinda depressing... I can't even imagine what it will be like if we still haven't been chosen in a few years!

In the spirit of being proactive with our desire to adopt, we've been trying every outlet that we can think of to help spread the word. Pass along cards are one of these tools! We've heard stories from other adoptive couples that their child's birthmother found them through a family friend, or their home teacher's cousin, or a former neighbor, etc. The point is that you just never know when you pass out one of these cards... it may just land in a garbage can somewhere, or maybe (fingers crossed) it will one day land in the right hands!

Some of the ways that we spread these cards around: Whenever we eat out, we leave a card with our restaurant bill. When paying bills, we toss one in the envelope. When we see a fishbowl at a business that says "drop your card in to win a free lunch"... guess what? We drop one in! We've tacked them up on community boards and handed them out whenever somebody asks us about adoption. Our favorite method of all - some awesome local businesses have put stacks of our cards out on their counters for customers to take.

James and I both feel strongly that the more involved we are in our own adoption process, the better our experience will be. We've been actively involved in the adoption community here in Utah and have met a bunch of incredible birthparents. With each new personal story that we hear, we learn so much about ourselves and about the kind of relationship that we want to have with our child's birthparents. Adoption really is an amazing thing and we're so excited to be able to bring our sweet pea home one day!

So... we just got a fresh batch of pass along cards delivered and if anyone out there wants to help us get them out there, we'll gladly give ya a bundle!

Dear Sweet Pea:

I can't wait to one day bring you home and become a forever family. As I daydream of what our life will be like together, I can't help but imagine all of the special moments that we are sure to have.

I can't wait to hold you in my arms for the first time.

I can't wait for our home to be filled with the sound of your unique cry.

I can't wait to rock you to sleep.

I can't wait to see your daddy snuggle with you.

I can't wait to watch you learn how to crawl.

I can't wait for you to learn how to say "mama."

I can't wait for the day that you take your first step.

I can't wait to put a band-aid on your first owie.

I can't wait for daddy to teach you how to ride a bike.

I can't wait to see you wear a backpack on your first day of school.

I can't wait to teach you right from wrong.

I can't wait to watch you learn & grow to become the person that you're meant to be.

I want you to know, my sweet pea, that you will be coming to our home in a very special way. You will be loved more than most babies because you will have two mommies - me and the special mommy that brought you here to earth. She loves you more than you could possibly know and she wants you to have the best life possible. I can't wait for the day that we'll get to meet your special mommy and she'll tell us that she wants us to be your parents.

My first gift to you is your very own room, designed with only you in my heart. I'm so excited for the day that we get to bring you home from the hospital and lay you in your crib for the first time. I love you, my sweet pea!

Love,
Mommy

Photo Shoot

It's been almost 6 months since we were approved for our adoption so we felt it was time to jazz up our profile with some new pics!

As you can tell, we had a blast at the photography studio! We used Fotofly again and they are AMAZING! A special shout-out to our photographer Daniel - you are awesome!!!

Hoping To Adopt

We now have our adoption profile listed on an amazing website called hopingtoadopt.org! If you look to our sidebar, you'll see a button that you can click on to visit our new profile. If you'd like to help us spread the word that we are adopting, we'd love it if you would "grab" our button and add it to your blog. The HTML script is listed below the button. Thanks to all of our amazing friends and family for helping us spread the word that we're hoping to adopt and we can't wait for a little one to find their way home to us!

***Thanks to hopingtoadopt.org for helping us to advocate for our adoption - you guys rock!!!

Nursery Teaser

A few weeks ago, I came up with the fun idea of hanging paper lanterns. We went over to Zurcher's and they had lanterns in all of our colors... it must've been fate! We found the cute little turquoise table for sale on KSL classifieds and I just HAD to have it. With this corner of the room completed, the nursery is almost totally finished! Just a few more touches and I'll post the completed room! As James and I have watched the room come to life, we are giddy with excitement to one day bring a baby home to it!!!

Infertility

A few nights ago, I wrote the following entry into my journal. I’ve had a gnawing feeling ever since I wrote it that I needed to share my feelings on our blog. Disclaimer: these are my real, raw emotions and it’s hard for me to share them, but I feel like I need to do this. I think that the statistic is something like 1 out of every 8 couples is affected by infertility. What if sharing my feelings can help just one person to understand that the pain they are feeling is justified and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel?

I have felt the need for awhile now to write down my feelings about the things that James and I have been going through. I’m going to be completely honest with my thoughts as I write this so please don’t judge me for my moments of weakness that are sure to come in this entry. I remember the day that we received the phone call from the fertility doctor, explaining that we would never be able to get pregnant naturally. James was at work when he received this phone call and he called me immediately to explain all of the test results and what the doctor had told him. I was driving at the time and I remember that I had to pull the car over to the side of the road because I couldn’t see through the tears that poured from my eyes. When our phone call was over, I sat in my car for awhile… thinking, crying, and asking Heavenly Father, WHY? After depression swallowed me whole in that tiny car, I called my parents and asked them to both get on the receiver because I NEEDED them both. I remember telling them that James and I wouldn’t ever be able to be parents and then I proceeded to sob to them on the phone and then begged them to not tell James how upset I was. I needed to be strong for him, but on the inside I was in total despair. As long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mother. I’ve made plans for places I want my kids to see, things that I want to teach them, and hobbies that I want to share with them. That day, sitting in my little black car, I felt defeated. Alone. Angry.

Infertility is a word that you hear often, but nobody can truly understand what it means unless they experience it. It means having to put on a happy face when you hear about a friends pregnancy. It means sobbing uncontrollably when I watched my nephew being born - knowing that I would never have that experience for myself. Infertility means feeling worthless and inadequate and undeserving of love. It means questioning my faith, doubting God, and blaming myself for the things out of my control. It means nights spent sitting on the floor next to our bed crying, hoping that I wouldn’t wake James. It means buying pregnancy tests every single month for 5 years and crossing our fingers that THIS is the month. It means creating a fake smile every time somebody says “As soon as you stop trying, it’ll just happen!” Infertility is DEVASTATING!

In a way, infertility is like death. All of the stages of grief are present. Shock & denial? Check! Pain & guilt? Check! Anger & bargaining? Check! Depression, reflection, & loneliness? Check! There is a grieving process that comes with infertility. The final step is acceptance and I feel this is where I am today. It’s been a long and bumpy road getting here, but I feel more HOPE than ever before. Why? What has changed? In a word… adoption! Once I truly grieved for our infertility, my eyes and my heart were opened to the miracle of adoption. My heart is literally filled every time I hear a birth mother share her experience with placing her child for adoption. I feel the spirit so strongly each time an adoptive couple is blessed with the gift of a baby. Every time I start talking about the blessings of adoption, I always choke up and my heart swells. I know, without any doubt, that it is Heavenly Father’s plan for me to adopt. I’ve been losing sleep lately wondering what it’s going to be like to finally meet the birth mom that chooses to place her baby with us. I tear up a little just thinking about that meeting and how I can’t wait to wrap my arms around her and say “Thank-you!” I can’t think of a way that I can ever repay such a selfless gift, except to LOVE both her and her child unconditionally.

Are we still infertile? Yes. Will I have a baby someday? Yes. It may not be the conventional way, but I KNOW I am meant to be a mother. I now know that I can turn to Heavenly Father and that he will fill me with peace and help me to understand the virtue of patience. I know that my day will come. I WILL be a mommy someday!

Nursery Teaser

Two weeks of planning, one day of shopping, 2 hours of taping, 3 hours of painting and... voila:

THE ACCENT WALL IN THE NURSERY!

It was surprisingly difficult to figure out the math for this project, but after a tree's worth of scratch paper and a mild headache, I came up with this concept for the accent wall in the nursery. It turned out super fun and I'm having a blast seeing all of the elements come together!

Nursery Teaser!

I spent this past weekend covered in paint and mod podge, doing a fun project for the baby's room! Designing a nursery that is "gender neutral" has proved a little challenging for me. I finally have the entire room completely designed in my head so now comes the fun part... seeing it come into fruition! This project is just a little sample of what's to come, to wet your whistle so to speak. I can't wait to post pic's of the finished design. (Don't mind our Lilly in the photo - I couldn't get her to move... I guess she's just as excited for the baby to come as we are!!!)

Adoption Update

NOVEMBER:

National Adoption Month

National Adoption Month is all about spreading awareness of the incredible world of adoption. 19,430 children in Utah are adopted - about 2.9%! Of women age 15-44 who experience an unplanned pregnancy...

12% will marry and parent the child

37% will be single parents

50% will miscarry or abort the child

and ONLY

1% will place the child for adoption

When trying to think of an eloquent message to share regarding my feelings of birth parents, I came across a song written by Michael McLean that sums up perfectly what I wanted to say:

With so many wrong decisions in my past I'm not quite sure
If I can ever hope to trust my judgement anymore
But lately I've been thinking 'cause it's all I've had to do
And in my heart I feel that I should give this child to you

And maybe you can tell your baby
When you love him so, that he was loved before
By someone who delivered your son
From God's arms to my arms to yours

Now if you choose to tell him, or if he wants to know
How the one who gave him life could bear to let him go
Just tell him there were sleepless nights I prayed and paced the floors
And knew the only peace I'd find is if this child was yours

And maybe you can tell your baby
When you love him so, that he was loved before
By someone who delivered your son
From God's arms to my arms to yours

Now I Know you don't have to do this
But could you kiss him once for me
The first time that he ties his shoes
Or falls and skins his knee

And could you hold him twice as long
When he makes his mistakes
And tell him that he's not alone
Sometimes that's all it takes
I know how much he'll ache

Well this may not be the answer
For another girl like me
And I'm not on a soapbox saying
How we all should be
I'm just trusting in my feelings
And I'm trusting God above
And I'm trusting you can give this baby
Both his mothers' love

And maybe you can tell your baby
When you love him so, that he was loved before
By someone who delivered your precious one
From God's arms to my arms to yours

As an introduction to this song Michael McLean writes: "When you think about it, adoption is as much a miracle as birth itself. Maybe more so, when you consider that for everyone involved it starts from a place of impossible choices: nearly unbearable fear, haunting doubts, interspersed with glimpses of hope brought into partial focus only when seen through the lens of unselfishness. And at the moment of heartbreaking courage, when a selfless choice is made, there are absolutely no guarantees... well, maybe one: that every conceivable outcome of the journey had been imagined in sleepless nights and endless days. Still, in spite of all who would say it's beyond possibility that hope or peace or joy could be found, it is!"

Adoption truly is the most selfless gift! We're grateful for all of the birth mother's out there and for their incredible sacrifice!

Halloween - Part One

We went to an adoption mini-class last week and we were in charge of bringing the treats. I had fun making these pumpkin chocolate chip cupcakes and they turned out super yummy!
The first Halloween party of the season was held at our neighbor's house, the Walter's. In case you can't tell from the picture, we went as salt and pepper shakers. You should have seen the looks we got as we were trying out the different colanders on our heads at Wal-mart!
We divided into boys vs. girls for a heated game of Pictionary! The party was a blast and we feel lucky to have such awesome neighbors!
The second party of the season was held at our church and boy did I get a ton of comments. All of the kids kept asking me if that was my real hair!

Halloween week isn't over yet, so we'll add more pics of the festivities soon!

It's pumpkin time

It's not Halloween until the pumpkins are cleaned out, carved, and set a-flame! Every year we have a pumpkin night with our fun friends Isaiah and Rosie. They recently adopted cute Addison so she got to join in on the fun this year. She loved playing with the yucky pumpkin seeds! We can't wait until we have a little one to join in on the fun too!

Cleaning out the ooey-gooey insides of our pumpkins

James' Pumpkin: The Bat

Heather's Pumpkin: Dracula

The Carving Crew

A little night vision

♪ Five Little Pumpkins ♪

Adoption Update

We decided that we wanted to dive right in and get involved in anything and everything concerning adoption. We were introduced to a group called Families Supporting Adoption through our caseworker Shannon and we decided to make the leap and get involved! We're just crazy like that!!! We emailed the Board Chair and she invited us to a board meeting last month and after one meeting (you read that right - 1 meeting) we volunteered to join the Board! We are now the official Activities Chair for the West Valley Chapter of FSA!

Now you may be wondering what FSA is so I copied this from their blog to explain exactly who they are and what they do:

“Families Supporting Adoption (FSA), an organization sponsored by LDS Family Services, seeks to promote a positive view of adoption. The organization has more than 5,000 members—including adoptive couples, birth parents, adults who were adopted, and adoption professionals—in chapters throughout the U.S., Canada, and New Zealand. FSA meets with birth parents and families, church groups, and community groups to share information and dispel myths about adoption. FSA is a local resource for adoption-related information in our communities—including television and radio adoption advocacy public service announcements—and actively enables and encourages the media to present accurate information about adoption. FSA provides education and support to families involved in the adoption process.”

As the new Activities Chair, James and I will be in charge of refreshments at all of the adoption mini classes held every other month; planning a summer activity for all of our members to meet and socialize to help to further advocate adoption throughout the community; and a Birth Mother dinner held in the Spring to recognize the incredible Birth Mothers in our local chapter. We're especially excited for the Birth Mother's dinner because they are truly amazing and this dinner will serve as just one little way that we can express our gratitude for them and let them know how special they are! We are thrilled to be a part of FSA and supporting such an awesome cause and we really look forward to meeting everybody and hearing about all of the amazing positive adoption stories out there!

Adoption Update

WE ARE OFFICIALLY APPROVED!!!

We are super excited because as of a few hours ago, we got the long anticipated phone call from our caseworker telling us that we are approved! If you click on our picture to the right, it will link you to our online profile with LDS Family Services. We celebrated our approval with a yummy dinner out where we sat next to another couple who recently adopted. It's a small world after all!

Now comes the tough road and we need your help! If you know of anyone who is pregnant and considering adoption, we would be thrilled if you would direct them to our profile so that they may have the chance to get to know us better. We are so excited for the road ahead and can't wait to find our little one!

Adoption Update

We've finished submitting the last of our paperwork! Woo hoo! The last thing on the to do list was our home visit. Shannon, our caseworker, came out last week and inspected our house and we passed with flying colors - yay! Now everything rests on Shannon's shoulders. She has to write up our complete adoption study and then put it before the review board for approval. This last step could take about another month, but then we should finally be approved and our little one could be on the horizon! We're so excited to be a part of the adoption world and have truly enjoyed the journey thus far!

Adoption Conference

We spent this past weekend at the National Families Supporting Adoption Conference up in Layton. It was AMAZING!!! We went to an awesome workshop about infertility, a workshop on open adoption, one on transracial adoption, and our favorite: several panels with birth mothers. We are so inspired by the stories that these birth mothers shared! Statistics say that every 26 seconds an abortion occurs... scary! Placing a child for adoption is truely the bravest, most selfless choice these birth mothers will ever make! We have so much respect for them and we are thrilled to be on our journey into the incredible world of adoption!

Adoption Update!

A few weeks ago we attended our orientation and were overloaded with information regarding adoption. We left there with a minor headache, but with huge smiles on our faces! We are totally ready to get this process started! We stopped off for some yummy Chinese food on the way home and I had to laugh at the fortune hiding inside my fortune cookie. It said "Life is a series of good choices. Today yours are good ones." As if we needed a fortune cookie to validate our decision to adopt, but we had to laugh at how appropriate it was!

Shortly after our orientation, we were introduced to our caseworker - her name is Shannon and she is going to be awesome! We had our first meeting with her to get the ball rolling. She sent us home with paperwork galore and a massive checklist of things that we need to get done over the next few months. So... officially, this marks the start of all things adoption! We can't wait to finish all of the paper work so that our profile can become active on itsaboutlove.org and prospective birth parents can start getting to know us! Yay!!!