A few days ago our nephew Tyler returned home from his mission in Honduras. It seems like just yesterday that he left (I'm sure his mother thinks differently) and we were all so excited to see him. His flight came in late, but we all huddled together at the airport with cute signs to welcome him back home.

Welcome home Ty - we missed you!

An Adventure Called Disneyland

Our fun trip to Disneyland started out as a total surprise to our nephews. My dad rented a 12 passenger van to take us all on this adventure. The night before the trip, James and I set up a scavenger hunt around our house. We invited the kids over for a "Mother's Day" breakfast and afterward we sent them on the scavenger hunt. While they were searching for the clues with Uncle James, the rest of us decorated the van and loaded up all of the luggage. The sign my mom is holding in the picture says "HOP IN... WE'RE HEADING TO DISNEYLAND!" The final clue in the scavenger hunt led them to the front porch of our house. Their reaction was HILARIOUS! They all stopped in their tracks and just stared from us to the van and back again. They thought we were just playing a trick on them and they didn't believe us until Grandpa showed them all of their luggage! Little Taylor had a smile on his face the entire trip and kept chanting "Dinneylan, Dinneylan!" It was priceless!

After a day and half of driving (which was surprisingly fun) we arrived in Anaheim. We spent the afternoon at Downtown Disney and shopped and played around. We especially had a ball at the World of Disney store where we couldn't resist buying this darling onesie for our soon-to-be little boy! Isn't it cute?!?

The next day we set off early in the morning to go to California Adventure. The best rides at this park are Soaring Over California, Toy Story Mania, & Tower of Terror. All super fun!!!

We spent the next two days at Disneyland... my favorite amusement park in the world. It was my 4th visit and it is still magical! I think it was the perfect time of year to go because the lines were pretty short and the weather was great. Sadly Splash Mountain was closed, but we still got to go on our favorite rides... Indiana Jones, Peter Pan, Space Mountain, & Thunder Mountain.

By the end of our 3rd day at Disneyland we were all exhausted, but we had a total blast! James and I can't wait to take our little guy there in a few years to experience his first magical Disneyland adventure!!!

Happy Easter!

We had an awesome Easter this year! After church, we all went over to my parent's house where the Easter Bunny usually visits and leaves us a fun basket of goodies. James doesn't really like chocolate so the Easter Bunny made sure to leave him some gummy bears... his favorite treat in the world! The Easter Bunny also knows that I love Cadbury Cream Eggs so he left me plenty of those in our basket too! Somebody must have told the Easter Bunny that we're hoping to adopt because he even left some things for the baby in our basket - a darling picture frame and a stuffed bunny that smells like chocolate!

After we checked out the goods from our basket, James and I were put in charge of hiding all of the eggs for the annual hunt! We hid over 80 eggs in my parents backyard and when my nephews arrived, they couldn't wait to begin exploring!

Little Taylor had a ball trying to find all of the eggs and his brothers even helped him out once they had found plenty for themselves!

After the egg hunt, we had a yummy Easter dinner together!

Pass Along Cards

We just got our new pass along cards in the mail and we are totally in love with them! Thanks to some amazing local businesses and our awesome friends, we've passed out over 2500 cards in only 6 months! Woot, woot! We enlisted the help of a super talented graphic designer (shout out to Charlotte!) to create a new look for our cards and they turned out fabulous!

(FRONT)

(BACK)

For those of our blog readers that aren't familiar with adoption pass along cards, we'll explain what they're all about. Networking during our adoption process is MAJOR! We've met several adorable couples that have been waiting to be chosen by a birthmother for several years. Our caseworker has encouraged us to spread the word (or send out a herald in our case) so that others may know of our desire to adopt.

The idea behind these cards is to get as many out there circulating as possible in hopes that they'll one day land in hands of someone, who knows someone, who knows someone (etc), who is thinking of placing their child for adoption. Because birthparents get to choose the adoptive couple, the waiting period can be really daunting. One of the first questions that we asked our caseworker was what the average waiting time was. She explained that there is not an accurate way of calculating that number for us. Every birthparent is different, just as every adoptive couple is different. What one birthparent may be looking for, another may want something completely opposite. Some couples are chosen within a few months, some after a few years. Some have waited over 5 years and others are not ever chosen. As an adoptive couple, the idea of waiting another 6 months is kinda depressing... I can't even imagine what it will be like if we still haven't been chosen in a few years!

In the spirit of being proactive with our desire to adopt, we've been trying every outlet that we can think of to help spread the word. Pass along cards are one of these tools! We've heard stories from other adoptive couples that their child's birthmother found them through a family friend, or their home teacher's cousin, or a former neighbor, etc. The point is that you just never know when you pass out one of these cards... it may just land in a garbage can somewhere, or maybe (fingers crossed) it will one day land in the right hands!

Some of the ways that we spread these cards around: Whenever we eat out, we leave a card with our restaurant bill. When paying bills, we toss one in the envelope. When we see a fishbowl at a business that says "drop your card in to win a free lunch"... guess what? We drop one in! We've tacked them up on community boards and handed them out whenever somebody asks us about adoption. Our favorite method of all - some awesome local businesses have put stacks of our cards out on their counters for customers to take.

James and I both feel strongly that the more involved we are in our own adoption process, the better our experience will be. We've been actively involved in the adoption community here in Utah and have met a bunch of incredible birthparents. With each new personal story that we hear, we learn so much about ourselves and about the kind of relationship that we want to have with our child's birthparents. Adoption really is an amazing thing and we're so excited to be able to bring our sweet pea home one day!

So... we just got a fresh batch of pass along cards delivered and if anyone out there wants to help us get them out there, we'll gladly give ya a bundle!

Dear Sweet Pea:

I can't wait to one day bring you home and become a forever family. As I daydream of what our life will be like together, I can't help but imagine all of the special moments that we are sure to have.

I can't wait to hold you in my arms for the first time.

I can't wait for our home to be filled with the sound of your unique cry.

I can't wait to rock you to sleep.

I can't wait to see your daddy snuggle with you.

I can't wait to watch you learn how to crawl.

I can't wait for you to learn how to say "mama."

I can't wait for the day that you take your first step.

I can't wait to put a band-aid on your first owie.

I can't wait for daddy to teach you how to ride a bike.

I can't wait to see you wear a backpack on your first day of school.

I can't wait to teach you right from wrong.

I can't wait to watch you learn & grow to become the person that you're meant to be.

I want you to know, my sweet pea, that you will be coming to our home in a very special way. You will be loved more than most babies because you will have two mommies - me and the special mommy that brought you here to earth. She loves you more than you could possibly know and she wants you to have the best life possible. I can't wait for the day that we'll get to meet your special mommy and she'll tell us that she wants us to be your parents.

My first gift to you is your very own room, designed with only you in my heart. I'm so excited for the day that we get to bring you home from the hospital and lay you in your crib for the first time. I love you, my sweet pea!

Love,
Mommy

Hoping To Adopt

We now have our adoption profile listed on an amazing website called hopingtoadopt.org! If you look to our sidebar, you'll see a button that you can click on to visit our new profile. If you'd like to help us spread the word that we are adopting, we'd love it if you would "grab" our button and add it to your blog. The HTML script is listed below the button. Thanks to all of our amazing friends and family for helping us spread the word that we're hoping to adopt and we can't wait for a little one to find their way home to us!

***Thanks to hopingtoadopt.org for helping us to advocate for our adoption - you guys rock!!!

Discount Tuesdays!

We've started a new tradition this year to go to the movies with Heather's brother Chris and his wife Karen. Some of the local theatres have started something called Discount Tuesdays where they only charge the matinee ticket price for movies all night long. We haven't missed a single Tuesday movie night since the year began and we're having a blast seeing all of the latest movies for super cheap!

One Year Ago

One year ago, my life changed.

One year ago, my mom passed sweetly from this world to a much better place. As Heather and I said our goodbyes, we asked her to help send a baby on its way to our family.

One year ago, Heather and I had not even discussed adoption.

One year ago, our friends were able to adopt a beautiful baby girl. We went over to congratulate them and held precious little Addison.

One year ago, my life changed.

One year ago, Heather and I came home from our friends' house, looked at each other and knew that it was time for us to start the adoption process. We have now been approved for 5 1/2 months, and still look forward for the baby that my mom is helping to prepare to come to our family.

Although we are not able to share the excitement with my mom that we are hoping to adopt, I know that she is very excited for Heather and I. I am so forever grateful for my mom and for her amazing example. I love and miss my mommy.

Family Pictures

Our latest picture with Heather's family!

(Thanks Joce for suggesting Fotofly - they are awesome!)

Infertility

A few nights ago, I wrote the following entry into my journal. I’ve had a gnawing feeling ever since I wrote it that I needed to share my feelings on our blog. Disclaimer: these are my real, raw emotions and it’s hard for me to share them, but I feel like I need to do this. I think that the statistic is something like 1 out of every 8 couples is affected by infertility. What if sharing my feelings can help just one person to understand that the pain they are feeling is justified and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel?

I have felt the need for awhile now to write down my feelings about the things that James and I have been going through. I’m going to be completely honest with my thoughts as I write this so please don’t judge me for my moments of weakness that are sure to come in this entry. I remember the day that we received the phone call from the fertility doctor, explaining that we would never be able to get pregnant naturally. James was at work when he received this phone call and he called me immediately to explain all of the test results and what the doctor had told him. I was driving at the time and I remember that I had to pull the car over to the side of the road because I couldn’t see through the tears that poured from my eyes. When our phone call was over, I sat in my car for awhile… thinking, crying, and asking Heavenly Father, WHY? After depression swallowed me whole in that tiny car, I called my parents and asked them to both get on the receiver because I NEEDED them both. I remember telling them that James and I wouldn’t ever be able to be parents and then I proceeded to sob to them on the phone and then begged them to not tell James how upset I was. I needed to be strong for him, but on the inside I was in total despair. As long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mother. I’ve made plans for places I want my kids to see, things that I want to teach them, and hobbies that I want to share with them. That day, sitting in my little black car, I felt defeated. Alone. Angry.

Infertility is a word that you hear often, but nobody can truly understand what it means unless they experience it. It means having to put on a happy face when you hear about a friends pregnancy. It means sobbing uncontrollably when I watched my nephew being born - knowing that I would never have that experience for myself. Infertility means feeling worthless and inadequate and undeserving of love. It means questioning my faith, doubting God, and blaming myself for the things out of my control. It means nights spent sitting on the floor next to our bed crying, hoping that I wouldn’t wake James. It means buying pregnancy tests every single month for 5 years and crossing our fingers that THIS is the month. It means creating a fake smile every time somebody says “As soon as you stop trying, it’ll just happen!” Infertility is DEVASTATING!

In a way, infertility is like death. All of the stages of grief are present. Shock & denial? Check! Pain & guilt? Check! Anger & bargaining? Check! Depression, reflection, & loneliness? Check! There is a grieving process that comes with infertility. The final step is acceptance and I feel this is where I am today. It’s been a long and bumpy road getting here, but I feel more HOPE than ever before. Why? What has changed? In a word… adoption! Once I truly grieved for our infertility, my eyes and my heart were opened to the miracle of adoption. My heart is literally filled every time I hear a birth mother share her experience with placing her child for adoption. I feel the spirit so strongly each time an adoptive couple is blessed with the gift of a baby. Every time I start talking about the blessings of adoption, I always choke up and my heart swells. I know, without any doubt, that it is Heavenly Father’s plan for me to adopt. I’ve been losing sleep lately wondering what it’s going to be like to finally meet the birth mom that chooses to place her baby with us. I tear up a little just thinking about that meeting and how I can’t wait to wrap my arms around her and say “Thank-you!” I can’t think of a way that I can ever repay such a selfless gift, except to LOVE both her and her child unconditionally.

Are we still infertile? Yes. Will I have a baby someday? Yes. It may not be the conventional way, but I KNOW I am meant to be a mother. I now know that I can turn to Heavenly Father and that he will fill me with peace and help me to understand the virtue of patience. I know that my day will come. I WILL be a mommy someday!

Saying Goodbye to 2010

We rang in the New Year with James' family this year. We had a ball playing all sorts of fun games and eating yummy food, followed by a silly countdown to the New Year. A few days into the New Year, a bunch of our neighbors got together for a date night out. We love our neighborhood and are super lucky to have made so many awesome friends!

Christmas Day

Bright and early Christmas morning, we all gathered together in the hallway and waited for Grandpa to give us word if Santa had come... then everybody ran in to see what surprises awaited them!
"Can I go back to sleep yet?"
With all these gifts, I'm surprised that Santa didn't get stuck in the chimney!

Little Gavin showing off one of his favorite toys!

After opening our gifts and eating a scrumptious breakfast, we headed over to see James' family

We exchanged gifts and then ate more yummy food!

Cute Curtis couldn't wait until he got home to play with his new treasure!

We played a few games and then set off to meet up with Heather's family at the movie theatre!

This year's Christmas flick was TRON and it was awesome!

After a fun-filled day, we headed home to see that Santa had visited our house in West Jordan too!

He even remembered to leave a gift for our Lilly! She loves anything with feathers!

She got this cute Christmas collar that she wore just long enough to snap this picture! (her eyes look a little freaky in this pic - yikes)

It's a tradition in both of our families to lay out all of our Christmas gifts to display. Santa sure spoiled us this year...

He even left all kinds of fun presents for our future baby!