Nursery Teaser

A few weeks ago, I came up with the fun idea of hanging paper lanterns. We went over to Zurcher's and they had lanterns in all of our colors... it must've been fate! We found the cute little turquoise table for sale on KSL classifieds and I just HAD to have it. With this corner of the room completed, the nursery is almost totally finished! Just a few more touches and I'll post the completed room! As James and I have watched the room come to life, we are giddy with excitement to one day bring a baby home to it!!!

Bountiful Baskets

I have to start this post off by thanking my friend Dallas for introducing me to the wonderful world of Bountiful Baskets. It is AMAZING! What is Bountiful Baskets, you may wonder? Let me share this pearl of wisdom and hopfully you'll treasure it! Bountiful Baskets is a food co-op that is completely run by volunteers. Each Monday you can place an order for a produce basket. It is typically over $60 worth of produce for the tiny price of $15. That's right, fifteen smackaroos! As you can see from the picture above, it is a worthy investment! James and I can't ever finish that much produce so we usually end up giving some of it away so it doesn't go to waste. Ordering opens at noon on Mondays and closes on Tuesdays at 10pm and then on Saturday morning you drive to your local pick-up station for your basket. It is such a great idea! But wait, I haven't even shared the best part of Bountiful Baskets... drumroll... the BREAD!!! They have the yummiest 9 grain bread in the world. It is only 50 calories a slice and much tastier than the cardboard version that SaraLee makes! Even better, it is only $2/loaf! We usually only order from Bountiful Baskets every other month so we buy this bread in bulk and freeze it. We ordered 15 loaves on our last order!!! It is fabulous and I highly suggest that you check it out! Here is their website... enjoy!

http://www.bountifulbaskets.org/

*I just realized that this post sounds like a paid adverstisment or something, but honestly... I really do just love Bountiful Baskets that much!!!

Infertility

A few nights ago, I wrote the following entry into my journal. I’ve had a gnawing feeling ever since I wrote it that I needed to share my feelings on our blog. Disclaimer: these are my real, raw emotions and it’s hard for me to share them, but I feel like I need to do this. I think that the statistic is something like 1 out of every 8 couples is affected by infertility. What if sharing my feelings can help just one person to understand that the pain they are feeling is justified and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel?

I have felt the need for awhile now to write down my feelings about the things that James and I have been going through. I’m going to be completely honest with my thoughts as I write this so please don’t judge me for my moments of weakness that are sure to come in this entry. I remember the day that we received the phone call from the fertility doctor, explaining that we would never be able to get pregnant naturally. James was at work when he received this phone call and he called me immediately to explain all of the test results and what the doctor had told him. I was driving at the time and I remember that I had to pull the car over to the side of the road because I couldn’t see through the tears that poured from my eyes. When our phone call was over, I sat in my car for awhile… thinking, crying, and asking Heavenly Father, WHY? After depression swallowed me whole in that tiny car, I called my parents and asked them to both get on the receiver because I NEEDED them both. I remember telling them that James and I wouldn’t ever be able to be parents and then I proceeded to sob to them on the phone and then begged them to not tell James how upset I was. I needed to be strong for him, but on the inside I was in total despair. As long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mother. I’ve made plans for places I want my kids to see, things that I want to teach them, and hobbies that I want to share with them. That day, sitting in my little black car, I felt defeated. Alone. Angry.

Infertility is a word that you hear often, but nobody can truly understand what it means unless they experience it. It means having to put on a happy face when you hear about a friends pregnancy. It means sobbing uncontrollably when I watched my nephew being born - knowing that I would never have that experience for myself. Infertility means feeling worthless and inadequate and undeserving of love. It means questioning my faith, doubting God, and blaming myself for the things out of my control. It means nights spent sitting on the floor next to our bed crying, hoping that I wouldn’t wake James. It means buying pregnancy tests every single month for 5 years and crossing our fingers that THIS is the month. It means creating a fake smile every time somebody says “As soon as you stop trying, it’ll just happen!” Infertility is DEVASTATING!

In a way, infertility is like death. All of the stages of grief are present. Shock & denial? Check! Pain & guilt? Check! Anger & bargaining? Check! Depression, reflection, & loneliness? Check! There is a grieving process that comes with infertility. The final step is acceptance and I feel this is where I am today. It’s been a long and bumpy road getting here, but I feel more HOPE than ever before. Why? What has changed? In a word… adoption! Once I truly grieved for our infertility, my eyes and my heart were opened to the miracle of adoption. My heart is literally filled every time I hear a birth mother share her experience with placing her child for adoption. I feel the spirit so strongly each time an adoptive couple is blessed with the gift of a baby. Every time I start talking about the blessings of adoption, I always choke up and my heart swells. I know, without any doubt, that it is Heavenly Father’s plan for me to adopt. I’ve been losing sleep lately wondering what it’s going to be like to finally meet the birth mom that chooses to place her baby with us. I tear up a little just thinking about that meeting and how I can’t wait to wrap my arms around her and say “Thank-you!” I can’t think of a way that I can ever repay such a selfless gift, except to LOVE both her and her child unconditionally.

Are we still infertile? Yes. Will I have a baby someday? Yes. It may not be the conventional way, but I KNOW I am meant to be a mother. I now know that I can turn to Heavenly Father and that he will fill me with peace and help me to understand the virtue of patience. I know that my day will come. I WILL be a mommy someday!

Nursery Teaser

Two weeks of planning, one day of shopping, 2 hours of taping, 3 hours of painting and... voila:

THE ACCENT WALL IN THE NURSERY!

It was surprisingly difficult to figure out the math for this project, but after a tree's worth of scratch paper and a mild headache, I came up with this concept for the accent wall in the nursery. It turned out super fun and I'm having a blast seeing all of the elements come together!

Utah vs. Canada

This past weekend we went to a Utah Grizzlies hockey game with our friends Nate & Julie. We don't know the first thing about hockey, but luckily they are huge fans so they taught us about the game. The Grizzlies played a Canadian team and it just so happens that Nate & Julie are from Canada so it was fun to cheer for opposing teams. The rivalry ended with a big overtime victory for the Grizzlies. The game was a blast - complete with a few crowd pleasing fights!